Emotional Validation

Emotional Validation

Emotional Validation

Everyone wants to feel that they matter. They want to be heard and seen and their feelings to be understood and accepted. Emotional validation is the process of learning about, understanding and expressing acceptance of another person’s emotional experience. Validating an emotion doesn't mean that you necessarily agree with what is being relayed or that you think the person’s emotional response is warranted. Rather, you demonstrate that you acknowledge, accept and empathise with what they are feeling without trying to talk them out of it or shame them for it.

The Importance of Emotional Validation

When a person receives emotional validation, they feel supported and that their feelings are genuine and valued. The individual experiencing an emotionally distressing situation feels a sense of certainty in their responses and themselves. An emotionally validated person typically can regulate their own emotions appropriately and self-soothe when feelings threaten to overwhelm.

Benefits of Emotional Validation

— Makes a person feel accepted and valued

— Allows a person to safely share their feelings and thoughts

— Boosts confidence

— Encourages honesty

— Fosters trust

— Strengthens relationships

— Encourages better emotional regulation

— Reduces negative emotional intensity

Practicing Emotional Validation

— Actively listen. Active listening is the foundation for authentic communication and a key part of validating someone’s feelings. Create a space where the other person feels comfortable enough to share their feelings and offer them your full and undivided attention.

— Understand and acknowledge their emotions. Try to build a mental picture of the situation that the other person describes and pick up on their emotional status. Gain clarity on the situation by genuinely trying to feel their emotions and understanding what contributed to those feelings.

— Accept their emotions. Validate their emotions by feeling accepting and non-judgmental of whatever is being said, regardless of the situation.

— Rephrase. Rephrase the message or story by capturing its essence and highlighting it in a way that makes the other person feel understood. This cultivates clarity and builds a solid alliance with the other person.

Emotional Invalidation

Emotional invalidation is when a person’s inner experiences are rejected, ignored, dismissed, belittled or judged. It is considered a form of emotional abuse and can lead to low self-worth or feelings of shame.

Consequences of Emotional Invalidation

— Problems with a person's sense of identity. Emotional invalidation can undermine a person's sense of self. When people feel that their personality characteristics, thoughts, and behaviors are not accepted, they may develop low self-esteem and confidence, feelings of worthlessness and a poor sense of self.

— Kills creativity and individuality. People who are emotionally invalidated feel as though what they are doing or feeling is wrong. It makes people question themselves and more likely to conform to the ‘norm’.

— It can isolate people. Emotional invalidation can make people feel alone in their feelings. It makes people less likely to open up and can lead to self-isolation.

— It can make someone distrustful. When emotions are not respected and are experienced as irrational or unreasonable by other people, it can make someone feel distrustful of other people, making them less likely to open up to others in the future.

— Difficulty managing emotions. Invalidation tells people that what they are feeling or the way that they are expressing those feelings is wrong. It can lead people to feel that they cannot trust their emotions, which can make it hard to regulate those feelings.

— Poor mental health. Emotional invalidation may also contribute to mental health conditions including depression and anxiety. Invalidation can make people feel that their thoughts and feelings don't matter to others.